advertising

The other day I drove past a bench that screamed in big red letters: "You have just proven that this ad works". I don't get it! How on earth did I prove that? I think I proved that I could read. Now, if the red letters had said: "Go to the nearest mall and purchase a pair of Levi's jeans" and had I indeed purchased said item - then, I'll grant you, bench advertising would have been proven to work. In this one case. But it only said "You have just proven that this ad works". Silly. I drove on.

Throughout my life I have made a concerted effort never to buy any product that is heavily advertised. There are exceptions, of course: I've driven Honda and Toyota cars and have seen their commercials - but there's no way around that. One has to drive something and all cars are fairly heavily advertised. On the other hand, if I see a commercial for Raid and I'll need a bug killing product, I'll scour the aisles for anything BUT Raid. I don't drink Coke and don't eat fast food. I bank with one of the big four- but most definitely not with ING Direct ("Eenvest vizz ING deerekt and safe your moneee") I will totally avoid any company that chooses to advertise in movie theatres. Screening commercials before a feature film is perverse and should be punishable by jail time. You pay $15 for the flick, $5 for the popcorn and $1,500 for a bottle of water (or something close) I think you have earned your right not to be assaulted by ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM or polar bears gulping down Coke.

I consider advertising to be the most insidious and creepy aspect of capitalism. Don't get me wrong: I am a happy capitalist and think we live in the best system ever invented in the history of mankind. But even good systems have weak points and advertising is one such point. It is vulgar and loud and more often than not inane, appealing as it does to the most imbecilic common denominator.

Some commercials (especially British ones) are quite funny. But they probably don't work. You know what works? Mayor Mel's son yelling on late night TV: Noooooooobody!!!

There is one exception to the above rule: ads - especially infomercials - that are so insanely stupid as to be entertaining. The same applies to televangelists. I get a huge kick out of those. Like the geek that does one hour infomercials with Hugh Downs, extolling the virtues of natural remedies no one's ever heard of (YET!!) but which are endorsed by countless Nobel Prize laureats. Or Dr. HO!!! You owe it to yourself to spend a few minutes in the munificent presence of Dr. Ho as he touts his massage machines.

I'm outta here....must go drink some water and eat some dry generic bread.