wallet nightmare

I'm getting ready to drive to a gig in Guelph. I'm loading up my car but my hands are full and I decide to put my wallet and my cell phone on the roof of my van. I make a strong mental note not to leave them on the roof. I load up my amp and my guitar in the back...thirty seconds later, I'm backing out of the driveway. A couple of turns and half a mile later I hear a bump, something bouncing off the van. I pay it little heed, thinking it's a pebble, a small piece of debris from the road. As I'm driving down the on-ramp to the highway, I hear another bump, this one much lighter. Again, I pay it hardly any attention, thinking something is loose in the back and I'll check it when I stop. Now I'm zooming down the 401, on my way to pick up my bass player. I reach over to the passenger seat for my phone to make a call. The phone is not there. Suddenly a dark realization dawns on me...OH - MY - GOD - OH - MY - GOD - OH - MY - GOD ....Shit!!! Fcuk!!!!!Geezussss!!!!!! Those bangs? That was my cell phone and my wallet which I did manage to leave on the roof...

Needless to say, there was no gig on Saturday night. I picked up my bassist, explained the situation (except I wasn't explaining, I was rasping breathlessly. We drove back to my place, retraced my steps a couple of times, then again with the help of my wife, drove past the spots where I had heard the bangs...nada. Wallet and phone irretrievably gone. Now, like most men, my wallet was brimming with cards, ID, pictures, cash, cheques - you name it. I spent the rest of the night calling credit card issuers, banks and my cell company. The nightmare isn't over. Today I need to get going on a new driver's licence, a new health card and - worst of all - my social insurance card. It's the worst because you need the most ID to get it and I have almost no ID. I do have a passport but they won't accept it....I have to rummage through my drawers to find my original landing document from 1980.

For future reference: I will only carry a bit of cash, my debit card and my driver's licence. All the rest of the stuff can sit in my drawer. Also: always deposit cheques immediately. I don't know why I insist on carrying them in my wallet for a week before putting them in the bank.

If you insist on putting stuff on the roof of your car - do it before the age of 50 is all I can say. Immediate recall is not something we middle-aged, scatter-brained males excel at